


Confetti

by bartsy



Series: Home is Where the Heartache [1]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 03:29:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18002969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bartsy/pseuds/bartsy
Summary: But after these past few weeks, he's realized that there's still one loose end that was never tied up. He's gotten an apology, but never an explanation for the whole thing with Steven. Of course, he knows that she was only looking out for him. She wanted to protect him.But there’s something else, and he can’t quite put his finger on it.





	Confetti

They're tucked into a corner table at Albie's, Fletch with a beer and Jac with a whiskey neat. He invited her out for a drink after work as he usually does, but this is the first time she's actually taken him up on his offer.

Surprising, given how weird the past few weeks have been for them post-kiss, but they're starting to get back into who they used to be. They're more than friends— he knows they'll never be _just_ friends again— but he respects her and cares for her too much to pressure her into being anything romantic.

 _Maybe,_ he thinks, _she'll change her mind. One day._

He wants to wait for that day to come, wants to touch her again, have her mouth on his and kiss her until he can't breathe. But he knows she can't promise that anything will change.

But after these past few weeks, he's realized that there's still one loose end that was never tied up. He's gotten an apology, but never an explanation for the whole thing with Steven. Of course, he knows that she was only looking out for him. She wanted to protect him.

But there’s something else, and he can’t quite put his finger on it.

"So, can I ask you something?"

Jac rolls her eyes. "If you must." The sound of his laughter is like music to her ears.

"I don't understand why you told Steven to leave."

Her smile fades quickly, but she bounces back without him noticing. He does, of course, notice and puts it into the back of his mind.

It's the little things that he likes to remember about her. How she pulls her hair back when she's frustrated, how she chews on pens when she's thinking, how she always has a comeback ready.

How she never lets anyone see her weakness.

"That's not a question."

This time, Fletch is the one to roll his eyes. "Why'd you do it?"

Instead of answering, she takes a long, hard sip of whiskey. "I've already apologized."

He shakes his head. "That’s not what I asked."

"What more do you want from me?"

He leans forward across the table, trying to get close to her. "I just want the _truth."_

"I've already told you the truth. I wanted to protect you."

"From being hurt."

"Of course."

"Because you care about me." He says with a wry smile. He's not trying to embarrass her, but any chance to make her blush is a chance he'll take.

She tenses up and waits half a second before saying "yes" between gritted teeth.

"And?"

"And what? Would you just ask whatever it is you're obviously dying to?"

"It just seems like there's more to the story." He's trying not to push her further than she's willing to go— he knows all to well that one wrong move could send her off on a sarcastic tantrum and he may never get the answers he's looking for.

"Well, there's not." They both know she's lying.

He doesn't know much about it, but he's heard the rumors about Jac's past. And Jasmine was more forthcoming about her childhood home life, but he wants to hear it from Jac herself.

"Okay." He decides to let it rest, not to chase the subject any longer. If she wanted him to know, she'd have told him during any of the opportune moments she's had since their fight.

They sit in silence for what feels like forever, the music providing enough noise to keep it from getting awkward.

"I…" Fletch turns his head up to Jac, who's hesitating. "My mum, she…"

It's like pulling teeth. He can see the tension in Jac's body and she tries to open up. His heart feels like it's beating faster, his skin getting warmer knowing that Jac is doing something she dreads for him.

He knows that it's not just him who wants to be close to her. She wants him back.

"You know she left when I was a child, don't you? Jasmine…?" She says it so quietly, he can barely hear her over everything else going on at Albies.

"Yeah, she may have mentioned it."

“A few years ago, Paula, my mum, she came here, to Holby. She was ill and said she wanted to make things right with me.”

Jac downs the rest of her drink and briefly, Fletch wishes he hadn’t brought it up.

He wants to know every part of Jac— all the good _and_ the bad— but he never wanted to force her to relive any actual trauma.

“At least, that’s what she told me that she wanted. She made me think that we could have a real chance at being...at being a family again. I wanted _so_ badly for it to be true that I let everyone convince me that she had good intentions. She even stayed with me.”

Fletch has to lean in to hear her, the quietest and most timid he’s ever seen her. He’s had her breaking down in his arms and even that didn’t scare him the way this did.

But her voice is all stern anger as she says “all she wanted was a kidney.”

She lets out a sarcastic laugh. “And I gave it to her.”

This is a story Fletch has never heard. Sure, Jasmine could rant and rave about what a terrible mother Paula was and Fletch had sympathized because, well, his own father had abandoned him and he knew the pain of a bad parent.

Still, nothing Jasmine had ever told him could’ve prepared him for this.

“She left a few days later. No note, no explanation, nothing. I had to track her down myself because, even though I _knew_ that she’d left me again, I still wanted….I don’t know. I still thought there was some hope left.”

“And?”

“And she blamed me for leaving. She said,” Fletch can see the tears welling up in her and wishes he could wipe them away for her. She swipes at them quickly. “She said I couldn’t make room for her.”

“Jac…” Fletch doesn’t know what to say. He wishes he could meet the now deceased Paula to give her a piece of his mind.

How could a mother treat their own child like that?

Even with Steven, he realizes that he got lucky. He still had a mum. He still had a family and the wreckage of his childhood didn’t leave him too traumatized to form close relationships as an adult.

No wonder Jac’s as closed off as she is.

“That’s why when Steven showed up here, I was,” she hesitates for a second before saying, “I didn’t like it. I thought he was going to do to you what Paula did to me and I didn’t want that. For you or the kids.”

“I’ve literally been shot, but Paula using me and abandoning me _again_ was more painful. It’s devastating and to think of you going through that...” She shakes her head and looks down at her drink.

This is all too much. Fletch doesn’t know what to do, what to say. He understands now the compulsion Jac had to protect him from Steven because now all he wants to do is protect her from the memory of her mother.   

The best he can do is lean forward, stretching his hand across the table to hold Jac’s hand in his. “Jac, it wasn’t your fault.”

She looks up at him, her big golden eyes brimming with tears. “She used you, manipulated you…” He can’t even imagine how someone could do that to the likes of Jac, but the thought of it makes him see red. “It wasn’t your fault. She should’ve fought for you.”

“Thanks.” Jac offers a small smile and nods her head. She tucks her hair back behind her ears in an attempt to freshen up. “Anyway.”

They both laugh, but it’s hollow.

Fletch can barely believe what’s just happened. Never mind Jac crying in public, but he knows how big of a deal it is for her to open up to someone.

He can’t imagine how it must’ve felt for her— all Steven did was leave for a day— and wants so badly to take away her pain. But all he can do it hold her hand.  

“I just wanted you to know I wasn’t trying to be cruel or controlling. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know.” He moves his chair closer to her, his hand still clasped tightly around hers. “ _I know._ ”

He needs her to understand. He’s forgiven her and there’s no love lost between them. He wants her to know that he now realizes why she thinks she’ll ruin a relationship, why she needs a friend more than a lover.

“How ‘bout another drink?” He offers.

“No, I’m gonna go. I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one night.” She pulls her hand away and suddenly he feels cold without her.

“You haven’t.”

She pulls her jacket back on and throws her bad onto her shoulder. “Thanks, but um, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He doesn’t try to stop her, instead watching her on her way out. He didn’t think it was possible to love her more than he already did, but seeing her open up like that to him was a sight to behold unto itself. Even after all that, he senses that there's more to the story. He felt Jac holding back, which isn't surprising to him, but it shakes something inside of him loose. He wants to know every last ripped edge of Jac's life until he knows  _everything_ about her. He know that he'll love it all. 

He’s made things bad for her tonight by dredging up her past and he’s already thinking of ways to make it better for her tomorrow.

Because that’s all he _can_ do. He can’t change the past for her, he can’t make Paula suddenly a good mother or magically give Jac the childhood that she deserves, but he can try to make her life, here and now, as comfortable and happy as he can.

He knows that all she needs right now is friendship and, as much as he wants to have more, he’s more than happy to give it to her.

 


End file.
